I just cut my nipple shaving
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
