i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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