Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize