In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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