I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
