I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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