When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
