So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
