i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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