My friends, they love my intelligence
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
