So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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