I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize