chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
