just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
