I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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