The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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