She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
