im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
