So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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