hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
