Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
