Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
