I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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