how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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