Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
