nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
MIDGETS
????
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
