No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
