4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
