just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
