So drunk its hurt
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We need a shit load of segways right now
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize