we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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