Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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