Only a mothe r could love this liver
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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