He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
