I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
