If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
