see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
That's how pantless uber rides happen
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
