Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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