The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
