Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
