You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
