Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
