just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Do you remember whose house we're in?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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