so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
pop tarts are not kleenex
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
