how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
