I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
