my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
