He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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