wrigley field is MILF paradise
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
