So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
