The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
