She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
