I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
