I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
