my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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