hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
