I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he thought i was a dude.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
