I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
