Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
