i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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