They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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