i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
His hands were made for my vagina.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
