Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just pee around me
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize