Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Dear god my vagina.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
