You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
