So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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