Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
my poor anus
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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