Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
