just come out here and I will go home with you...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
