did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
thus making me awesome and them whores
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize