Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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