I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
