Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
