guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
