i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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