My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
