i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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