JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He did a backflip because drugs
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
