i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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