I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
