If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
