Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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