The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
