One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
