I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
