Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize