Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
