Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
