I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize