Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
