Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
MIDGETS
????
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's rum buckets o'clock
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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