I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
