I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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