just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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