nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Can i not drive my cunt home
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
