I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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