Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
