girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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