i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
