Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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