I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
