I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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