If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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